The Photo

Greenday-Wake Me Up When September Ends

It’s end of the month and Ramadan is just in few days. I haven’t got my pay check though. Faze’s brother came by the office to give me the studio pictures. I think I need to return it back because my uni’s emblem on the folder I’m holding is not clear. Bloody photographer. This is why I hate taking pictures!

The Grieve

Coldplay-Fix You Daniel Powter-Bad Day

I’m so disappointed by my own insensitivity, my wait-and-see attitude. I was cocky. I mean, I should’ve go to Nef and tell him straight, man to man, what I’ve been wanting to say for the past 5 years! But I didn’t! I blew it! Instead, I waited for him to make the move! He couldn’t because I was surrounded by my friends all the time that night and I think he’s not that sure too! It’s my mistake! I should’ve go to him when he was alone at the table that night! And now it’s too late! We will never see each other again after this. Nef oh Nef. I’m so sorry. I should have make the move! It’s too late! It’s too late now! Damn it! Damn it! I was such a fool! There’s nothing I can do now! Though we live nearby, I’m not sure whether he still lives there. Hardly see him nowadays! What if he’s gone to his hometown? You’re so stupid mate! So stupid! You let the very last chance go! Don’t you see it? It’s your very last chance mate! Your fucking last chance! No more! Finished! You’re so useless! You won’t see him anymore! Ever! Period! There’s no need to cry now! It’s useless and it won’t bring him back! Now pack your bag and run as far as you can from here because you’re doing no good to yourself here. You leave so many sad things here. You hadn’t change a bit!

The Usual

Went to drums class:

Jim: Where were you last week?

Student: Where was I last week? Where were you last week?

Jim: I was here. Waiting for you but you didn’t show up!

Student: Ha? You were here last week? But someone from here rang and informed me that you took MC!

Jim: No. I was here! Who called you?

Student: A girl. She’s from here!

Jim: Nah I’m just kidding. I was sick last week. Hehe.

Student: Hehe.

Jim: You’re so sure huh. Unlike other students. They even apologised to me!

Student: Hehe.

The Convocation

Coldplay-Speed of Sound

We had to wait almost 2 hours to get into the stadium! The arrangement was totally different than the rehearsal we did. My dad rang me numerous time asking when it’s going to start. The event started at 9.30 am. An hour late than scheduled! Well, it’s Malaysian culture man. Never on time. The entering procession was followed by ‘Gamelan’ music. Felt like royalty. I felt big and important at that time. Couldn’t see my dad and aunt at first but managed to wave them during the 5-minute break. The event ran smoothly. With political speech from Dato’ Hassan Harun who received the Honorary Doctorate Award. He mentioned about the need to change the medium of instruction in our schools to English. Saw Nef while he’s walking towards the stage. He smiled while receiving the folder and he did it sexily! Man, I’m in love with him.

Met them outside the stadium:

Dad: Congratulations!(Hugging son)

Son: Thanks.

Dad: Come with us for lunch afterwards.

Son: No. I can’t.

Dad: Why? Don’t you have time for us? You have other appointments?

Aunt: He sure has things to do with his girfriend after this.

Son: No. I don’t have girlfriend!(pissed off because I’m not straight)

Dad: Come on. You can bring her along.

Aunt: Yeah. We’ll get to know each other.

Son:(I refused. I’m sorry I’m gay. I wish I could tell that. Anyway, I had a deal with my friends to take pictures. If I were to follow my dad, I’m sure I will not get back here and this greatest moment in my life would have gone just like that. I made a quick decision, a selfish one you would say, to let down my parent. I’ve been too kind to many people and today’s my big day. MY DAY. Let me enjoy the moment, narcissistically.)

We managed to snap few pics though…

So, I’m with Faze’s family after that. My dad has to go back early to attend this Harley Bikers’ Meeting in Malacca. Shake and Jane are nowhere to be found! We had a deal to meet again after attending our parents. Damn. We don’t have our pictures together in robes. We’ve been through lots of shits together. Anyway, I joined Faze’s family who’s been planning to take picture at the studio. Went back to the stadium after that since some friends were still waiting there. My pictures were all over people’s cameras. My stepmom gave me a pen. Couldn’t find Nef though. Damn. Went back home tired, exhausted. What a day!

The Lamentation

Athletes-Half Light

Back at home, I feel like a fool because I didn’t talk to him when he was alone at the table! But then, it’s too late! There’ll be no more chance for me after this I’m sure. We’re doomed! Done! Finished! Finito!

The Dinner

Foo Fighters-Best of You

Everyone was wearing that damn ‘batek’ except Faze and me. I don’t have it and I don’t like wearing it anyway. I mean, it look hideous. I just don’t like it. I wear the shirt that I bought yesterday…and my trusted Levi’s jeans. Hehe. While waiting to get in…

Hag: Mate, Nef’s behind you!

Mate: Huh?(Happy that this sexy stalker is still stalking him)

Hag: Really, he’s just behind you. Don’t you see him? He’s been behind you while you were busy talking with your friends!

Mate: Shit. Who’s he with?(I don’t know why I swear but I dare not look behind me. Coward!)

Hag: He’s with his friends. Girlfriends.

Mate: Ugh. (Despise by the fact that Nef is with girls)

Hag: I think he’s with his girlfriend.

Mate: (Are you trying to hurt me?)

Hag: Oh look. He’s taking a table behind us!

Mate: Hehe.

Hag: Quick! Look behind you. He’s not looking here.

Mate: (Looking behind and saw Nef in plain brown shirt)Is his girlfriend pretty?

Hag: No.

Mate: Good.

Hag: He’s just like you. He’s not wearing ‘batik’ and donning spiky hair. You guys should be together.

Mate: (Smiling and proud to have a supportive hag)

Hag: Look. He’s taking a seat that allows him to see you clearly!

Mate: (Smiling and looking back carefully. Our eyes met but he tries to look the other way. The girls he came with are no where in sight) Hey, if that’s really his girlfriend, why didn’t they sit together?

Hag: You’re right.

Mate: Maybe she’s not his girlfriend(Trying to pacify himself). Why is he alone there?(At this moment, Nef seating alone and looks like waiting for his friends to come)

While having our dinner…

Hag: Mate, he keeps looking here at you!

Mate: Let him be.

Hag: Quick. Go and talk to him!

Mate: Are you crazy? What would his friends say? What if his friends ask him about me? He might tell them that he didn’t know me!

Hag: Mmm.

And the night goes without any progress between Nef and me. The meal sucks anyway. None of us left with the lucky draw prizes. Managed to find Shake and co. on the other side of the indoor stadium though.

The Rehearsal

Kasabian-LSF

Went to Putra Stadium, Bukit Jalil for the rehearsal. Lots of people were already there when we arrived. Typical thing happened. I saw Nef passed by me while I’m in the long queue to get into the stadium. Not sure whether he saw me or not, but he’s graduating too! In the stadium, I found out that only those who came in early get to join the rehearsal! The other were to observe from the spectators seats upstairs! It’ll be long if all of us were to do the rehearsal. I was one of the early birds. Saw Nef seating up there. I’m sure he saw me too since I was seated in the last row. He could easily see me I guess. Hehe. Ugh, I’m tired of this he-sees-me-and-I-see-him thing. The rehearsal took almost 5 hours. Couldn’t find Nef after that. I think he left earlier. Met familiar faces after the rehearsal. Some of them didn’t like my mohawk hairdo. Don’t give a damn.

The Preparation

Went to KL to buy a long sleeve shirt for dinner tomorrow. I got a blue pin-stripe long sleeve shirt with 2 images of lions and a phoenix behind it. Hehe. Good Feng Shui indeed. Can’t wait until tomorrow night!

The Robe

Went to my uni with Ray to collect the robe after breakfast. Met Shake, Jane and Eddie there. Our Convocation is in 2 days! Met few other friends too. Man, I’m getting excited!

The Relief

The Killers- Mr. Brightside

Hehe. My hag rang me. She’s going to the dinner! Hehe. She told me something about getting an extra pass from her friend. Can’t help but smiling all day!

The Degradation

I think it’s about time for me to crawl out slowly from this ‘straight colony’. Surrounded by straight people everyday makes me feel like I'm in a vegetative state. Listening to their straight stories everyday only widen the gap between me and them. They know that I’m different but they won’t understand. I have to make the move. Theeeeeee move. If you know what I mean. I’ve been living too long with them to know every nook and cranny of straight life. I cried my heart out last night when I realised I had no one to talk to. There’s no one I can trust now. My hag is just simply too busy. We’re not like before. She’s moved to Puchong. But she comes to see me whenever she can. Yeah, she has her own life too.

I was too worried thinking about what to wear this coming Convo that I had this dream. I went to this shop and found out that they don’t have the right size for the black ‘baju melayu’ I want! And worst of all, Fam(my arch-rival for the moment…) got a pair of lounge suit from Australia(I don’t know how the fuck he got it and don’t give a damn) and suddenly I was at the office of my housemate. In order to get in, we had to go through many doors and a sleeping security personnel. When we got through(his girl was with us too), we came upon a big room(doesn’t look like a workplace to me) where lots of clothes were hanging. I was fascinated by that place and tried to find suitable attire for me to go to that damn dinner. I found one (a long sleeves stripe shirt) and I saw my housemate’s girl sneaking hers into a large bag! I did the same! I’m not sure whether it’s shoplifting but heck, it’s not a shop, still, it’s a punishable crime. Hehe. Anyway, it’s just a dream. Fucking strangers in your dream without their consent is a crime too right? Right…

I had this, Long enough to know, What to do, And what to say, When it's creeping, With its sharp claws, To renew the bleeding.

The Countdown

SevenCollar T-Shirt-The Works

It is here,

You learn who to trust,

You learn who to frustrate,

It is now,

You learn who to hurt,

You learn who to dirt,

It is there,

You reciprocate,

You reiterate.

Ten more days till the big day. I haven’t prepared anything yet. Other than the possible ‘songkok’ that I’d probably wearing. Haven’t get the ‘baju melayu’ though. The regulations state that it should be dark coloured. I think I’m gonna get black one. Never had black before. Didn’t know what to wear for dinner too. Really in difficult situation right now. The feng shui says that decisions made before 19^th Sept 2005 are dubious. A monkey like me shouldn’t trust people easily this month. Basically, this is the month where Monkeys should be careful. Applies on Roosters and Dogs too. But it’s true. It really happened. People who promised me frantically broken the promises they made!

The Pay Day

Babyshambles-Fuck Forever

Went to the post office to get some postal order for convo fees. Had some argument with the Head of Finance.

Head: You’ve seen me before right?

Student: Yes.

Head: What brings you here?

Student: (Pushing the LGI form to his front)

Head: Oh, the LGI form. Are you from Indon? (Geez, I was Singaporean last time but today…)

Student: No. I’m not(Smiling).

Head: I’m sorry, I’m sorry.You still studying?

Student: No. I’m graduating.

Head: RM 100 per month?(looking at the payment scheme) I’m sorry I can’t allow this…

Student: But I can’t afford to pay more than that.

Head: Ok let me see(taking a calculator and start hitting the numbers). OK, you have to pay RM600 per month. Only if you agree to sign this, then I’ll allow you to graduate.

Student: If I sign, then that’s a lie cos I can’t pay.

Head: Let me see(taking calculator and start to hit the numbers again)OK, this is how much you have to pay…RM380 per month. You know what I like about you? You’re realistic. You are not like other students who just sign to whatever figures I gave them. But you have to sign this form. Are you working?

Student: Yes. I’m working and using my SPM certificate to apply the job since I have no result transcript to show them.

Head: You see, you’re asking to be pampered…

Student: I’m not asking you to pamper me.

Head: You have to be competitive. You have to convince them…

Student: That is not fair.

Head: What is not fair?

Student: Trying to convince without any prove.

Head: You see, we’re here to help our students. If they ask you about the certificate, you just let them know that they have to contact the university and we’ll be happy to issue them any related documents. You just come and see me if you have any problem.

I have no choice but to trust this guy.

The Typical Day

Went to this secondary school early morning to get the signature of approval from its Principal. Damn it, the Principal had gone earlier. What a waste of time. Went to the new Custom’s HQ. Got the signature from this female officer. Thanks. Tiring and slow day. Went to Uptown late at night with Ray, his girl and few others. It’s been a while since I last went there. Nothing much has changed. Seen some pretty faces there. Boys of course. Hehe. Didn’t plan to buy anything there. It’s Ray who’s looking for a new steering. Things were overpriced. I need to watch my spending this month anyway.

The Treatment

After having my lunch, I went to this DVD store. So I browsed few interesting DVDs like ‘Six Feet Under’

Customer: How much is this? (Showing a pack of ‘Six Feet Under’ Season 1)

Seller: For 1 Season? Let me see how many discs…

Customer:(Handing the box) 4 discs…

Seller: Oh, 4 discs, RM60.

Customer: (Putting back the discs on the shelf)

Seller: Why? Too expensive huh?

Customer: Yeah. I can get it for RM50.

Seller: Where?

Customer: Kelana Jaya.

Seller: You want it now?

Customer: No. I’m just browsing…

Seller: Next time if you want to browse don’t ask the price huh…

Customer: (Ears turned red) Is that how you treat your customer?

Seller: Huh? (Saying that either because he didn’t hear me or because he is too dumb to get what I said). I just walked out of that damn store. Obviously, Malaysia still has people who lacks good manners. I wonder why this kind of creature is allowed to man the store. The way he treats people shows his level of education and his upbringing. I’m going to come back to that store if not for that rude treatment.

The Small Talk

I was waiting for the bus when this lady came and asked me about the bus route. I told her everything I know. We had a small talk.

Lady: Are you studying or working?

Gentleman: Oh, I’ve been working for one month(new company). I just finished my studies.

Lady: Oh, where did you study? Lim Kok Wing?

Gentleman: No. *Uni's name*. It’s just over there(pointing my fingers towards the direction of my uni)

Lady: What did you study?

Gentleman: IT

Lady: Oh, programming, graphic designing?

Gentleman: Yeah, all that.

Lady: You must be pretty young.

Gentleman: No. I’m 24.

Lady: Oh, we’re at same age.

Gentleman: (Smile)

Lady: What are you doing now?

Gentleman: I’m just a lousy clerk.

Lady: Oh, don’t say that. It’s hard to get job nowadays. At least you gain some experience first.

Gentleman: Yeah, that’s why I just take whatever they gave me. What are you doing?

Lady: I’m working as a Customer Service Executive.

Gentleman: Oh, is it a call centre?

Lady: Not really. We deal with international business and…(I don’t really remember what she said) I work in Amcorp Mall, 11^th Floor(12^th or 17^th floor or something. Fuck it. I don’t remember)

Gentleman:Oh.

Lady: Are you Malaysian?

Gentleman: Yes I’m Malaysian. I’m local. Why?

Lady: You speak good English.

Gentleman: (Blushing & confused because he’s not really that good)

Lady: I thought you’re Singaporean.

Gentleman: No I’m not. I’m from Malacca.

Lady: Do you drive?

Gentleman: No I don’t(At this point, I’m not sure why she asked me this. Oh I got it. She used it to measure my economic stability. People like me are mediocre. I don’t have a car, therefore I’m common.)

Lady: Where did you study before...errr I mean your school?

Gentleman: Oh, I did my primary school in Malacca and then I went to Kedah. Oh my bus is coming…

Lady: Is it going to KJ station?

Gentleman: I’m not sure. You better ask the driver.

I’m getting used to it now. I’ve been asked the same question before, during interviews. I’m not sure what made they think that I’m not from here. I’m Malaysian, eat Malaysian foods, speak like Malaysian but don’t really trust the government of Malaysia…hehe.

The Revelation

I was appraised by Jim in drums class today. Hehe. He told me I did good. Only the starting beats…but when it comes to the new exercises(1/2, ¼, 1/8 beats), I was a little confused. Need more practise. Jim once again told me to change to another class in Uptown.

Jim: Do you drive here?

Me: No.

Jim: Do you have motorbike?

Me: No. I have no transportation.

Jim: Ha?

Me: (Smile. Yeah, laugh at me because I can’t afford to have any personal transportation. I’m sure he asked me all this because he thinks that I’m a rich kid or something.)

Jim: So you come here by LRT. (I’ve told him this before.) How far actually the station from your house?

Me: 10 minutes walk. But just now, my friends (Shake and Janet) sent me here.

I met both of them in KJ. We went for some drinks and exchanged stories(it’s been a while) where Shake being his old self, telling me his EPF payment and showed off his credit card. I didn’t ask how much he got from his job because I don’t want to bother. Maybe that’s why he told me all that just to give some clues on how much he makes. It’s funny how people trying to tell me they’re doing better when in fact, they’re making fool of themselves. I’m not jealous or something but flashing your credit card in front of other people? Get a life. Sorry bro if you read this. I mean, I’m not a big fan of credit cards because I still can afford to pay cash for everything I want. Why credit when you can pay cash? Why pay more? I know, most of the card holders used it to impress people. Well, I’m just giving my thoughts here. In the end, it’s up to the individuals to decide what’s good and what’s not for them. It’s all about rights nowadays, right? Right. He tried to ask how much I make in the most polite way by suggesting different ranges of figures. I just say yes…in the most adamant way. To me, salary is a personal figure. I should have written about this earlier. I had this small argument with Nine before. He keeps insisting on my salary.

Nine: How much do you make?

Me: I’m not telling.

Nine: Oh come on. There’s no worry sharing with your friends.

Me: It’s my right not to reveal. I had never asked yours, had I? You’re the one who went around telling people and now you want to know mine.

Nine: OK, OK.

I mean, some things are better left unsaid. To you bloody jokers out there, don’t worry. I’m not making that much. I’m not making more than you jokers(this is what I always told them) And don’t worry, I’m not going to be millionaire by the end of this year. Next year perhaps.

Jim: So I hope you’ll think carefully about this OK. It’s nearer there because you live in KJ.

Me: (Nodding and pondering)

Jim: You can bang harder there. You can play as loud as you can. The drums are much more expensive and real.(I learn using the electrical one)

Me: (Nodding and pondering)

Jim: So you think about it OK.

I mean, I’d be happy to move there but once again, the culprit is the transportation. I have none. Furthermore, if I moved there, I won’t be able to go to Borders and enjoy reading free books every Sunday!

The Digression

Met dad. He told me he’s going to sell his Harley. Well, good for him. Arrived at my office 2 hours late. All the bosses were not in. One is meeting clients and the other one is still in France.

When I got home, Nine asked where I’ve been yesterday.

Nine: Did you go to KLCC yesterday?

Me: What for?

Nine: I’m just guessing.

Me: Wrong guess. Nice try.