The Shopping Spree

Went to MidValley right after work. Waited for Raffey there. Bought t-shirts at Topman, Zara and Guess. Not much choice though. Broke fast at Chili’s. Total lost: >RM400.00!

The Hectic Day

9am-2pm: In Bandar Tun Hussein Onn for the test. I passed!

3pm-4pm: Nap.

4pm-7pm: In KL for the drums class.

7pm-8pm: Breaking fast at the bistro with Shake, Jane, Eddie, Emma, Said, Ism and Ab.

10pm-12mn: Watched football match between Chelsea and Charlton. They drew! I mean, a first place club against a last place? Heh.

The Crave

Bored, I decided to buy 'Charlie and The Chocolate Factory' pirated DVD. Hehe. I don't know, I've been wanting to watch this movie months ago but didn't have the chance. Since nothing good's on tv, I bought the DVD. Man, the movie makes me crave for chocolates!

The Move

Called my hag. She told me she’s resigning. She told me she had problems at her current office and she can’t stand it anymore. Poor thing. It’s fortunate she got a new job.

Hag: Mate, my life’s uncertain.

Mate: Mine too.

Hag: I feel so bad.

Mate: Yeah. Me too.

Man, life as an adult is hell. Slowly, I turned into a man who tries to understand the meaning of this fucking life.

The Quotes

Ism bought this special edition of Naruto magazine where it explains and gives details of every characters. I’m touched by Kakashi’s so-called 'favourite quote': "Sorry, I'm late because I was lost in the journey of life (sexy and yet, blatant). Another quote was from this guy I'm not sure his name : "Be a strong man so I can look and smile(at)". Man, I miss Nef.

Slowly,

I begin to understand,

Where exactly we go,

Who exactly we are,

What exactly we do.

Slowly,

I begin to understand,

Why they decept us,

Where they inept us,

When they betray us.

The Doctor

In the clinic:

Doctor: Yes?

Patient: I had fever, flu and cough.

Doctor: (Checking my temperature) Mmm…your temperature is normal. But it’s OK, you can keep the medicine if you’re not ill(sarcastically). It’s fasting month and there’s many kind of fever. Even doctors had fever.

Patient: I had it since last Saturday. I couldn’t make it on that day. That’s why I’m here today.

Doctor: Are you in school?

Patient: No. I’m working. I just graduated. (Don’t know why I told him that. It just came up. Maybe I’m still in ‘graduating’ mood. Hehe)

Doctor: Oh. What are you doing now? Where do you work?

Patient: I’m just a clerk.

Doctor: What did you study before?

Patient: IT.

Doctor: You’re in IT but you work as a clerk? (Like I ask to be one. Duh)

Patient: Yeah. Just for experience (trying to foolishly avoid the question) I have no luck.

Doctor: So is it has anything to do with IT?

Patient: Not really. I mean, my job is between IT and Admin stuff.

Doctor: So you’re saying they’re utilising your IT skills?

Patient: Not that much. I’m more into admin thing(in frustration)

Doctor: Don’t give up. (Yeah. It’s easy for you to say that because look at you, you’re a doctor. You have the world with you!) Try harder. Don’t be complacent. Try to find the right friends, form a team. Move together. I mean, in this world, it’s all about problem and solution. If you’re a doctor, it’s problem and solution. If you’re an engineer, problem and solution. There’s a book called ‘No Man Is An Island’ by Thomas Merton. Have you heard it before?

Patient: (Nodding)

Doctor: If you want to take MBA, you got to have at least 2 years experience.(Huh?) The same with MSc.

Patient: Yeah. I’m thinking of taking MBA.

Doctor: The important thing today is reading, searching, learning, thinking. Thinking. You have to think(tapping his forefinger to his forehead). Go to Cyberjaya ( a local ‘Silicon Valley’). You’re an IT guy, you have PC or laptop right? Do you have a laptop?

Patient: Yeah, I have one.

Doctor: So go to Cyberjaya. It’s all about communication. Find all the companies there. Write to them. I have a daughter. She’s doing this software thing. BTW, what’s the different between IT, Computer Science and software?

Patient: Oh. I’m majoring in Multimedia. So I’m dealing with the audio, visual and animation and all that.

Doctor: So what’s software?

Patient: Well, errr…software is software…

Doctor: Programming?

Patient: Yeah. Programming(Duh…)

Doctor: My daughter hates programming.

Patient: I hate programming too.

Doctor: She defers programming every semester. You know, there’s programming language every semester.

Patient: Where is she studying?

Doctor: Oh. She’s in Gombak. You know there’s this university college there?

Patient: (Nodding hesitantly)

Doctor: Have you heard KOKTEM before?

Patient: Oh (pretending to know)

Doctor: So Mate, remember, no man is an island, no island is out of map.(Fuck you!). All the best to you.

Patient: Thanks doctor (Grrr)

The Bitch

Not feeling well today. I rang my office to inform them but this bitch answered. She promised to bring me to the clinic tonight. When the night came, I texted her. She didn’t reply. Pissed off, I went out to watch a match between Liverpool and Rovers(Cisse managed to score a goal. The match ended with 1-0). We confronted each other when we met outside the house.

Me: Hey, are you trying to fool me?

Bitch: Why should I? (In her bitchy way)

Suddenly Ray get into the limelight.

Ray: What’s going on here?

Me: Promise went down the drain…

Bitch: (Mumbling something only bitch like her understands)

She’s known for her ‘imbalance acts’. I shouldn’t trust her in the first place. My mistake. In fact, I shouldn’t trust anyone right now. Not even myself. Bitch.

The Pledge

Nirvana-You Know You’re Right

I made a pledge to myself that I would wait for him. No other man can replace him. Even if he has someone else. I’d wait. He’s what I want. Period.

Not feeling well today. Had fever since 3 days ago. Getting worst today. Hopefully it’s not dengue. Well, even if it’s dengue, then it’s good cos I’m going to die. Didn’t go to work. Anyway, who works on Saturday? Getting sick of this job! Thinking of getting a real one, a real job. Man, everyone else had a steady job but I’m still doing this bloody job! I’m sick of this life. I shouldn’t have pursued my degree at this uni. If I weren’t, I wouldn’t meet Nef. And I wouldn’t have to crack my head thinking about him everyday too. And I wouldn’t end up in this straight colony too. And I’d probably had a Law degree from London (but working class people like me won’t have such opportunities here, not in Malaysia). And I’d be a lawyer who plays drums in a rock band. And I'd have a boyfriend who understands. And I’d be a better, happier person than what I am today.

Is it too much to ask? Is it too perfect?

The Belief

Muse-Thoughts of A Dying Atheist

To believe you,

Is to hate you,

Is to defy you,

Is to deny you.

The Guts:Part 2

I found out (based on the Feng Shui calendar) that today is a good day to commence business, get married, travel and renovation. So, I tried the number again. Shit. The same thing happened.Guess it’s not a good day for me. I think he’s changed his number! Fuck!. Why is this happening to me? When I have the guts to talk to him? Hey YOU up there! Why do you hate me so much? What did I do to YOU to deserve this? Don’t you have heart?! Do you know what is it like to be alone?! What is it like when you love someone so much that he vanished without clues?! What did I do to you that you despise me so much?! Are you there?!

The Guts

I suddenly had the guts to call Nef. Yes, I have his number which I got early this year from my housemate who befriends him! But damn, it asked me to leave message on the voice mailbox! I found out that today is not a good day, based on the Feng Shui. Maybe that’s why I couldn’t get through his line! Or possibly because he had switched off his mobile.Fuck it! I decided to call him tomorrow.

This is what I’d probably say if I get to talk to him.

Me: Hello. Can I speak to Nef?

Nef: Speaking. Who’s this?

Me: It’s me, Mate. I know you and you know me. But we had never talked to each other before.

Nef: (silence)

Me: Hello there. Are you OK? Can we talk?

And the conversation goes on where we talk about our pasts, where he tells me how hard he tried to talk to me, to approach me and my selfish self.

What a queer fantasy eh? Man, am I insane?

The Shooting

This is the first time I post pictures. I somehow got excited by the recent happenings in my neighbourhood. The busy neighbourhood somehow got busier with the shooting going on. The way I see it, they’re not making movie. I think it’s a programme for the coming Deepavali celebration, judging by the many Indians and Africans who took part and the music they played. The shooting was made at night and I think they only shot one scene there. The same scene was repeated again and again until I got sick of waiting. The scene was where all the actors say “Yay” in unison from the balconies of the two abandoned flats. Yup. That was all they did the whole night. I didn’t take the picture though.

The set near where I live. I wish I could get a clearer shot but damn it, it’s either the camera or I’m just a lousy photographer.

The Smoke Man smoking the set. Notice the small guy with the blue towel on his shoulder. I think he’s the Director because he seems to give orders to everyone there.

The Clarification

In the drums class:

Jim: Whoa. Are you fasting today?

Student: Yeah.

Jim: You fasting from morning till evening, 7pm right?

Student: Yeah.

Jim: Do you feel pain? (Rubbing his belly)

Student: No, no. I’m getting used to it.

Jim: So how’s your first day? Was it tiring?

Student: Yeah. It’s tiring and exhausting. The first time actually. When I was a kid, I can’t ‘tahan’(stand it)

Jim: So you break your fast early?

Student: Yeah.

Jim: You’re strong. I can’t do that. I have to take 5 meals a day!

Student: Hehe.

Jim: Can you watch movies, go anywhere, vacation?

Student: While fasting? Yeah. We can do that.

Jim: Because there’s this guy who told me that it’s not recommended.

Student: No. You can watch movies, go vacation.

Jim: But he said it’s not recommended.

Student: No, no. We can do that while fasting. It’s better than sleeping the whole day, right? If you sleep all day, then there’s no point you fasting. You have to do your everyday things. If you work, you have to work. The only different is you’re fasting. You don’t eat and drink. Why constraint yourself from doing things? Life goes on. Maybe that’s what he believes. But this is what I believe.

Jim: Ooo. What if you ride your motorbike and it’s raining and it gets into your mouth and you drink it?

Student: Ooo. If you did that intentionally then you break your fast but if it’s accidentally happened, then it’s ok.

Jim: What about swimming? Can you go swimming?

Student: Yeah, we can swim. Why not?

Jim: What if you drowned?

Student: Then you die-lah. Hehe.

Jim: No, no. What if you drink water?

Student: Ooo. If you intentionally swallow it, then you break your fast. If you drowned, you can replace it to another day.

Jim: Ooo. I just want to know, you know. To learn about our nation.

Student: It’s ok.

The No More

No. No sight of him. He’s always there at the Ramadan bazaar every year. I would have bumped into him and he’ll stare at me like he always do. No. Not anymore. Serve you right! He’s gone to his hometown, I guess. This is what you get when you procrastinate!

The Shortest Dream

Last night I dreamt about Nef. We were at the Convo dinner and this time I had the guts to go and talk to him. We stared at each other and that encourage me to approach him:

Me: Congratulations.

Nef: Hehe. You look busy.

Me: Hehe. Busy?

And suddenly my alarm went off! Fuck!

The Ramadan

It comes again,

But shits hadn’t change,

I’m still the same man,

In vain, in pain,

Thinking about other man.

The Truth

Why we met?

When all we do is hurting each other,

Why we regret?

When we can’t be together.

The Toos

Too bad,

We let it wasted,

Too sad,

To think about it now,

Too late,

To recuperate.

The Picture

Jane give me the URL for the photos taken using Eddie’s camera during the dinner and Convo. Guess what, Nef’s photos were there too! Hehe. I copied the photos, edited one with Nef using Adobe. Now, I have a single photo of Nef and had fun with it! Hehe. If you know what I mean…

The Usual

In the drums class:

Jim : What happened to you? You have no mood to play drums today? (Realising that I was not as usual, played badly)

Student: No. (Lying. Lots of things going on in his fucking head)

Jim: Then? Why you play like this? You hit the wrong instruments! That was a big mistake!

Student: Yeah. I’m sorry. (Regret that after lots of practise, he still sucks)

Jim: It’s ok. I’m pushing you too hard maybe. But that’s my style.(Turning pages of the drums catalogue) So, do you know any Pearl drummers? Can you name me any?

Student: Ugh…mmm…Lars Ulrich?

Jim: Nope. He’s not a Pearl player. He uses Tama. You see, because of him, Tama got famous.

Student: Ooo..

Jim: So there’s this drummer called Simon Phillips coming down this month. He’ll conduct a workshop.

Student: He plays in a band or what?

Jim: He’s an independent player. So if you’re interested, the fee would be RM40. He’s a really good. He’s quite old.

Student: Ooo

Jim: So, I want you to go back and practise faster beats. Next week I want to see you improve. Make sure you practise more. Do you always practise?

Student: I do practise but not everyday.

Jim: Please do better than today, next week.

Student: OK.