Thursday, August 07, 2008

The Dream

I was dead again.

Last night.

This time, I was shot a multiple shot with a machine-gun like weapon.

I was in a death row. Literally. We were shot one by one and I knew no one in the row. And I didn't even know why was I shot, what did I do to deserve it.

When my turn arrived, I managed to profess my faith (Shahada) before they started to shoot me mercilessly in the chest. I can feel the pain and I can feel my soul being pulled out of my body.

I thought it was real.

I had no regrets even if it's real.

I'm not ready but I don't mind. I just don't mind. Well, what can you do if it's your turn to go?

When I woke up, the morning sun was shining on my face. I looked around me. It's the same messy bedroom, wall painted with cheap paint, shoes in front of the telly.

"Oh, it was just a dream!" I told myself.

Then I moved on.

Friday, August 01, 2008

The Regrets

I couldn't really recall how many time I had to say. "Sorry, I don't do girls" but I've been saying it quite often lately.

On a beautiful island in the north-eastern coast of Malaysia (Well, Perhentian Kecil Island to be exact...):

Damsel in distress: You have chest hair! I want to touch!*Upon seeing me topless*

Mate in distress: Sorry, not for girls!

Damsel in distress: You'll never know until you try...

Mate in distress: Sorry, I don't do girls.

And she even said that if my parents ask me to settle down, I can marry her! Ahahaha! Funny.

Last night at a birthday party:

The paper-bag Princess: Oh really? He's just like Sam? *Asking for assurance from another friend and referring to a gay friend for my sexuality*

Another friend: Yes dear, he's just like Sam. You think he's straight?

Mate: Lol *when the conversation overheard by me* Sorry, I don't do girls! But you're safe with me! Hehehe.

It's seems like girls are quite fond of me eh?

Wek. I'm cursed.

Friday, July 25, 2008

The Habits

Working with people of different nationalities has really broaden my horizon. Apart from their languages and cultures, some have 'deviating' potty practice. Like leaving behind their pubic hairs on the lid. I know I've seen a lot of this before in public toilets across the country but this unbecoming 'ritual' has somewhat becomes a common trait of the people from this particular country. It's unbecoming because they are all professionals. Call me ethnocentric or brand me anything you like but I'm just telling the truth. What do you feel upon stepping inside the toilet, there are pubic hairs neatly placed on the lid? And this happened each time you go in after 'they' used the toilet. I don't understand why they leave behind pubic hairs for the world to see. And to make matters worst, they sometimes leave behind 'spots'. Spots of faeces ladies and gentlemen.

Am I missing a new trend here or have I started hallucinating? I only have one word for them: despicablemotherfuckers.

And people throwing rubbish out from their cars really get my nerves. Good friends of mine dare not throw their rubbish out if I'm present in the car since I'll tell them to pick them up, which of course they don't, but enough for them to behave when I'm around.

And I'm not ashame to say that PJ is DIRTY. Shame on you PJites! The lack of rubbish bins around were one of the reasons why PJ is in this state right now. I thought things are going to change with the new state government. Well, apart from the first 20 cubic meters free water, other things remain the same. Rubbish left unattended. Dried leaves on the roadside left uncollected. So much for a good governance. Plastics and other rubbish were thrown by people randomly. I don't think all PJites are unclean. But some of them are just plain ignorant. Be it locals or immigrants. I say apart of penalising people who park their cars haphazardly, fine those who litter too!

Last night, while on the monorail ride home from seeing my good friend, I was really surprised and angry at this local lady who rushed into the monorail and pushing aside a blind lady in front of her. I was about to help the blind lady into the train but a foreign lady who was closer to her immediately helped to get her inside upon seeing her with the stick.

What kind of animals are we surrounded by nowadays?

Where have all the good values gone?

Sunday, June 29, 2008

The French


There was this other 'incident' aboard the train. It happened while my friend and I were on our way home.

As we stepped inside, there were three Caucasians, two birds and a bloke standing around the grab bars in the middle of the train. The train was packed like canned-sardines as it was peak hour. I stood opposite them while my friend stood next to me. We chatted like always and the three Caucasians chatted in English between them too.

One of the bird was quite close to me. And out of the blue, suddenly, I heard she mumbles "Voulez vous coucher avec moi ce soir" a few times, while looking at me. I heard of this phrase before but I have no idea what it meant. I HATE the song actually. I ignored her and thinking about getting home as soon as possible, as I was so tired.

Back at home, I suddenly remembered the event and my curiosity conjured me to google the phrase and tadaaaa...

"Do you want to sleep with me tonight?"

Yes. That's what it means and I didn't know it!


I wish it was the bloke who said that to me! He's bloody hot! Well, even if he said that to me, I'd have ignored him like I did to one of his girlfriends. Because me no speak French!

Now I remember, no wonder the other bird gave a subtle smile when her friend mumbles this to me!

I was harassed by a bird again!

Why is it always birds? I'm cursed eh? :(

P/S: Anyone willing to teach me French? :)

Monday, June 09, 2008

The Changes

Much has been said about the recent fuel prices hike. I don't have to aggravate. But what tickles my bones is when the government calls the people to change their lifestyles. It seems like The Circus is in town again and The Jester is getting funnier!

And they have the guts to say that the Consumer Price Index (CPI) won't be affected by this latest development. Who are you kidding mates?

Apa lu cakap ni celaka? Domino effect memang inevitable la buffalo. Lu jangan sampai gua cakap bahasa. Gua beli fresh milk itu hari, on the first day of the price hike itself dah naik 70 cents and became RM4.59 a carton! Apehal? And that's the cheapest fresh milk. Habis kalu lepas ni gua kena la cari susu cap gantong dow. Kate ubah lifetstyle. Lanciao!

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

The Tantrum

I'm always full of rage. I wasn't aware of this until some people called me 'garang'(fierce) few times. It's only then I know that often, certain gestures and words from me were construed as fiercy.

A good friend told me before, that if I were to be a lecturer or teacher, my students would be really afraid of me. Even a tiny mistake would deserve a spank. Some might even begging for more.

There was this time I told my friends that I called up Astro customer services.

Clawed-red-eyed hideous monster:

Sweet-lollipop-condensed-milk Agent: The subtitle is there Sir.

Clawed-red-eyed hideous monster: The.English.subtitles. I want it back. It was there before but suddenly vanished. Poof. Gone into the air. Volatile. Smooching with the angels up there I believe.

Sweet-lollipop-condensed-milk Agent: *Shivering* Hold on Sir. Let me check it out for you.

At this point, I think the poor agent went to the nearest TV to check the subtitle.

Sweet-lollipop-condensed-milk Agent: There's no English subtitle for that program Sir, only Bahasa subtitles.

Clawed-red-eyed hideous monster: That's what I've been telling you earlier. The English subtitle wasn't there anymore. It WAS there before.

He keeps telling me there was never English subtitle and of course I keep telling him what I saw and believed. If it's not English subtitles I saw before, then what was it? Hebrew? You telling me I'm schizophrenic now? Well of course I didn't tell him this. I'm not that sarcastic! Yeah right...

Until he said,

Sweet-lollipop-condensed-milk Agent: I think I better check with the technical people and ask them to get the subtitles back for you.

Clawed-red-eyed hideous monster: When will I get my subtitles back?

Sweet-lollipop-condensed-milk Agent: In half-an-hour time Sir.

Well of course I know it's just a bloody fake pacifying assurance but I don't want to waste my time being an arse making him cry and shit in his pants in front of his colleagues. I've already missed some parts of the program while making this call and it will be over in less than half-an-hour. I bet if I were to make another call and requested to talk to the same agent, they might have said he's gone to Rwanda for good. So much I don't want to let him off the hook, I don't want to miss the program and having to wait for the repeat either. I just hate to wait. I let him off. He's doing fine now I believe.

And to my despair, my friends called me 'garang' for this.

I mean, come on, I paid my bill every month and I deserve services worth every cent I spent. I'm sure everyone agree on this.

What's the point of spending your money on shoddy services?

Well sometimes, people need to be 'garang' to get what they deserved.

But I never got my bloody subtitles back!

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

The Dreams

Oh my god. I had two weird dreams last night. I think I tend to have weird dreams when I'm not feeling well.

It's unusual though that I can recall them.

The first one was a reptile affair. I managed to get a chameleon as an addition to my iguana! And it was a fat one! Hehe. It tried to run away at first but I managed to get hold of it and calmed it down.

The second one was more like a national affair. I was in the parliament house and I witnessed a number of the ruling party's MPs standing up, stepping on the desk and crossing over to the other side. I saw Rafidah but she just sit and looking at what is going on that time. Suddenly, Dr Mashitah was standing on my left. I asked her who's her researcher. She told me it's someone from her university and left me upset.

I believe the first one occurred because of my excitement to get one more reptile for myself. Not a chameleon though.

The second dream occurred probably because of too much Malaysia Today in my daily readings.

And I'm not complaining if it really happen anyway.

Sunday, May 11, 2008

The Conundrum

Oh I've stopped smoking for almost 3 months now. It's not hard to stop when the doctor adviced you to because it's one of the contributing factor of your gastritis.

I fucking hate the recurring pain in my stomach.

So I stop sucking smoke.

This headstrong leftist monster finally heeds the doctor's advice. Cold turkey. Yes people, I literally stopped when she told me,"Adek, you have to stop smoking, drinking". And yes she called me adek.(For the benefit of my 'offshore' readers, adek=little brother). Whatever.

I stopped not because she called me adek. Or because the doctor is a lady, as suggested by one of my officemates who had no qualms asking me when I'm going to get married almost every fucking day. What made her think that I only listen to female doctors? Honestly, I'd heed a doctor's advice no matter what his/her sex or sexual orientation. Even if the doctor is a lingerie sniffer. Or an every-hour wanker.

I mean, what's the point of seeing a doctor if you don't follow his/her advice? I can't deny the urge to have a fag, or two, or hundreds, is still there. It's always there. And will always be. It needs one's high determination and courage as big as, errr... Mount Kinabalu?(a tribute to my long-time Sabahan crush. Hehe).

Some ego helps too.

This is where you can put your ego to good use. For instance, when offered a cig, smile and politely say no(no affiliation whatsoever with the government's campaign however). When insisted(this situation normally occurs with your good friends), smile and politely show your middle fingers. Yes. Fingers. And that's some ego I tell you.

Well hey presto! Instead of the 'Say NO!' campaign, why not 'Show Fingers!' campaign?

How about that for a holistic change?