The Closet

You know you're in a hotter hell when you're outed by people. It's like a head-on collision. I can tell you it's not liberating. Outed inadvertently. I don't know, maybe it's no big deal for you guys out there but it matters to me. I don't know why people always do things without thinking of the repercussion. When things like this happen, who should I look for? Mates become strangers. You think you can trust these people but they spit you in the face.

Being outed when you aren't ready is horrible. Some people may say that I'm not comfortable with my sexuality, well fuck you, it's not you who's being outed. It's simple, I'm not ready and you don't have to be so handy. Being outed against my will is a fucking invasion of my privacy.What if people do something against your will, say, slitting your throat or stab you in the head? Wouldn't that be a bloody scene? Would that be a scene to celebrate?

To those who still in the dark, sexuality is personal. I had never admit that I'm straight because I believe, the more lying you do, the deeper the hole you dig. I prefer not to be out to some people for my own sake, the sake of my family and that should be respected. And one more thing, just because I tell stories about pretty girls, doesn't make me an instant straight. Telling and feeling are different stories altogether. I do tell stories about pretty girls simply because the girls are pretty! No intention to mislead people to think that I'm straight, I mean, gays talk about pretty girls too! They have eyes you fuckers!

I don't know what make they think they're superior that they can surpasses my rights of my sexuality, myself. To those who don't know me, I prefer to have cliques among straights. Call me cocky but it's just the way I am. And these straights are the greatest I can ever have. And I'm the kind of guy who has different cliques for different occasion. It's not that I don't have gay mates at all. I do and mostly it's a friend of a friend of a friend. I don't have the privilege to have gay mates who I grow up with. My ups and downs were mostly shared with my straight mates. They say everything happens for a reason. I try to make myself to understand this. I try to justify this by telling myself that I am a lucky bastard with mates who will always be there when I need them. Well, what I'm trying to say is, outed to gay mates is fine but being outed to straights who you don't want them to know is like getting killed a number of times.

Just like Kenny McCormick.

Oh my God! They killed Kenny!

You bastaaaaard!

The Book (Af)Fair

I don't know what's got into me but I got myself the book last Wednesday from the KL International Book Fair held at the PWTC. I knew about the book somewhere on some political blog I couldn't recall. Wanted to blog about it right after I got home but decided to hold it until I finished. Could have read it in one sitting but then the first week of the month calls for some spontaneous outdoor activities.

The last time I bought a book was during the War Criminal Conference and Exhibition, 'World Conquest Through World Jewish Government'...and I'm still part-way through it!

One of the reasons I bought Dina Zaman's 'I Am Muslim' was because there's a topic that tells about Muslims who happen to be gays, hijab-clad lesbians included. And shamans. And virginity. And I like the part when she went to Jakarta. You got to read it yourself! Not going to tell everything here.

The ah mois(girls) manning the booth(Horizon Books) were not really keen attending a bloke in t-shirt, faded jeans and trainers I guess. Maybe I didn't suit their descriptions of target readers for 'that kind of book'(whatever is that mean...). An interviewer for a quite long job interview once told me that I looked playful but he gave me a chance anyway. You can say I always get the benefit of the doubts. Not sure whether it's a good or bad thing. Fuck it. And some people looked at me suspiciously when I browse(more like reading them) the books at the Brunei's State Mufti Department(books on the mufti's fatwa and the banning on smoking caught my attention there). OK back to the ah mois, one of them begins to say things after I showed some interests on some other books with serious titles on the shelves. And when I was browsing Newsweek, Forbes alike at this other booth, the guy confidently suggested me to get those for my brother or sister, I mean, these fuckers need cognitive therapy! Maybe I should go there in my office attire or maybe I should put on skullcap or keffiyeh to thwart these prejudicial epilepsies! Maybe I need to work on my appearance. Too laid-back I guess. What happened to 'don't judge the book by its cover' eh?

Back home when I told my mates what I got from the fair, they have this surprised faces on them. They didn't know half of me.

And have you guys watched Spidey 3? Went to see it last Thursday with my mates at Cineleisure. Not bad for a comic-adapted movie. But the scene where Peter plays the jazz piano, mortifying MJ reminisces me to a scene where Stanley serenading Tina in Coco Bongo nightclub. Remember 'The Mask'?, another comic-adapted movie. I don't know why does this always happen to me but my seat is shaken again! Last time it was this obese guy(no offence to plus sizers out there ok) with his girlfriend and he(I hope you die in an earthquake! You like it shaking right mate?) stopped when I turned my back and stared at him. Wanted to yell at first but didn't want to make a scene. But this time, I turned around and it was this little kid! Feel like throwing the troll in front of the big screen, so help me god. If only I can eject the seat and bring him along to heaven(too much tv eh?). The parents? They only know how to breed nowadays. Made me hate kids even more!

Happy Birthday Nef.

The Exchange

A small talk between me and two middle-aged ladies.

Lady One: "Where are you from?"

Mate: "Petaling Jaya."

Lady One: *Nodding* "Ooo... Kolumpo... (Kuala Lumpur...)"

Mate: "Errr...Petaling Jaya, is in Selangor."

Lady One: *Turning to Lady Two next to her* "Where's Petaling Jaya?"

Lady Two: "Kolumpo..."

Mate: *Gazing at the beach in front, smiling.*

Happy Labour Day guys!